This week I was reading some old writing I had done and ran across a piece I had written 14 years ago in 1996. This was shortly before I went back to school to become a therapist and it made me aware of the evolution of my thinking and growth as a human being.
“I was reading Gloria Steinem and realized something about my life which I’ve known but have never been able to name clearly: that I could not be an artist because I wasn’t strong enough as a person and because I was raised without developing the ability to take care of myself emotionally. My energy kept being diverted into the areas of my weakness, mainly relating to others, and until I reformed this part of myself, there was nothing I could have said that would have meant anything. It would only be play on paper because it did not deal with the part of me that was crippled. And I was always meant to heal that part. For me, there could be no art without my acknowledging where I came from, how crippled I was and how that prevented me from reaching anything with any real kind of power. The thing I wanted most, to be an artist, could not be reached directly, but only through my becoming a more whole person. Otherwise I kept tripping up on what I was not. The events of my life have forced me to see how weak and trapped I was and that repairing this was my responsibility and task. Thus I have turned an enormous amount of focus on rebuilding myself, doing 12-step work, therapy and other forms of self-education. As a result, my view of creativity has completely changed. People who speak to others, stirring their imaginations are creating as much as somebody who is painting a picture. They are creating in the world of interaction between people and stimulating new ideas in people. They are creating in the open and fluid world of the mind.”
Earlier today I was listening to music, experiencing its loveliness and thinking about how we can make our lives a place of beauty, with the same grace and flow as a beautiful piece of music. It is from here that I stand as a therapist. It is my belief in our power to change who we are and our experience of our lives, becoming beings who can live a life of grace, that guides my vision as a therapist. As I work with individuals and couples, I see where each is trapped or weak, where each is his or her own worst enemy. I see what is possible for them. This brings me to where I am now. I am in the business of creating for myself as well as helping others create enlightened graceful lives. Whatever truth leads to that, is the truth I follow. In other words, if a belief will help us to evolve into a better place, then I will hold that belief, with or without scientific proof of it’s validity. Because the proof is in it’s impact on our lives. One of my main beliefs is that we are here on earth not only to heal ourselves, but to bring joy, peace, grace and love to ourselves, this planet and the beings of this planet in whatever way is most appropriate for each of us.
If we see ourselves as an act of creation, then we will look at our limitations and pain, and work to release ourselves from them by healing them, rather than try to navigate around them. As we interact with our families, friends and partners, we can bring this healing into our relationships as well. I believe that as a group, we have the power to assist and heal each other. Because of this, I’ve changed my healing tips articles to a blog. As I post blog entries to aid in this process, I am hoping that as each is inspired, those who wish to contribute to this process, voice their thoughts and feelings by responding with a comment.
thanks for your wonderful candid blog….you are inspirational!
You write so well. Today i read this essay of yours. You are a wonderful person.