Jennifer Lehr, MFT - Blog

Toughing It Out

Posted on Monday, February 3rd, 2014 at 11:13 am.

We all have emotional survival strategies that do not work. A common one is ‘going it alone,’ ‘sucking it up,’ or ‘toughing it out.’ We put our heads down, close our eyes and push forward, as if we are in a blizzard miles from home, and no one is with us. We aren’t even aware…   Read more »

How Unspoken (And Unanswered) Needs Sabotage A Relationship.

Posted on Monday, December 2nd, 2013 at 3:25 pm.

June: I don’t like our gardener. I don’t like how he trimmed the roses. I don’t think he did a good job on the grass. I don’t like… What is going on here? – Disguised and unspoken feelings. (I feel uncomfortable; I want you to hear my discomfort. I want to know that you will…   Read more »

Showing Our Brokenness

Posted on Thursday, September 12th, 2013 at 2:07 pm.

On the deck, there are a small group of sparrows eating the birdseed that has scattered everywhere from the feeder above.  It is a fairly peaceful day after a weeklong visit from relatives. The sun is shining.  The ocean is blue.  This moment is beautiful.  And yet as I look back at the previous week,…   Read more »

Female Intensity – Male Logic

Posted on Saturday, June 29th, 2013 at 4:34 pm.

You are getting so intense – he said.  No shit, I think to myself- every cell of my body is screaming. Well if you stop ABC then I will stop XYZ he says, trying to fix the issue we were caught in.  What!!!!  He missed the whole point – that I worry about him, that…   Read more »

The Choice

Posted on Sunday, May 5th, 2013 at 1:31 pm.

I’ve been avoiding writing this piece.  Why?  Because I have a lot of thoughts and a lot of feelings that I haven’t been ready to delve into. There is a pair of mallard ducks that come and hang out in our pool for a few months every year. The female is a mottled brown and…   Read more »

Overwhelm

Posted on Monday, April 1st, 2013 at 2:54 pm.

Maybe you could call it a creative block, but what it really feels like is that I’m caught between these different and enormous landscapes, like being in the middle of moving worlds and everything is changing and I don’t know yet where I am standing. On the mundane level, I can tell you exactly what…   Read more »

Learning to Reconnect

Posted on Monday, April 1st, 2013 at 9:56 am.

It had started like a regular day weekend day.  John and Patti were taking a walk.  The sun was shining.  Life was good.  But then, John sheepishly told Patti that he would not be working on a project they had told Patti he was going to do, and that had been planned for that weekend. …   Read more »

Standing In Your Shoes

Posted on Sunday, December 16th, 2012 at 6:47 pm.

(Names and details have been changed.) I was recently talking to Cathy, a friend of mine.  She and her girlfriend Sammy were having a tough time in their relationship and had just gotten into a fight. She explained what had happened. They were decorating the house for the holidays together, but Sammy got upset and…   Read more »

We Are Big Beings

Posted on Friday, November 2nd, 2012 at 10:10 am.

Last Thursday I went to my Dr’s again.  I still haven’t kicked whatever is making me ill. While in the Dr’s office, a man was there getting vitamin C intravenously.  He had cancer.  I told him that I ‘wanted to kill’ whatever was making me sick – the bacteria or virus that were in my…   Read more »

When to Hold and When to Fold

Posted on Saturday, January 15th, 2011 at 6:52 pm.

Recently I have had both clients and friends asking the question: “How do you know when it is time to leave a relationship?” It’s a great question, but one that is hard to answer.  It is one that I have struggled to answer at various points in my own life for both friends and myself. …   Read more »

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