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The Choice
Posted on Sunday, May 5th, 2013 at 1:31 pm .I’ve been avoiding writing this piece. Why? Because I have a lot of thoughts and a lot of feelings that I haven’t been ready to delve into. There is a pair of mallard ducks that come and hang out in our pool for a few months every year. The female is a mottled brown and Read more...
Overwhelm
Posted on Monday, April 1st, 2013 at 2:54 pm .Maybe you could call it a creative block, but what it really feels like is that I’m caught between these different and enormous landscapes, like being in the middle of moving worlds and everything is changing and I don’t know yet where I am standing. On the mundane level, I can tell you exactly what Read more...
What I wish for Jyoti Singh Pandey
Posted on Sunday, February 3rd, 2013 at 2:02 pm .Yesterday I first learned her name and saw her picture. She was smiling with warm brown eyes and long dark hair. She looked petite, young and sweet. I was glad to learn her name. I was glad to see her picture. I was glad to get to know her a tiny bit in this way. Read more...
Emotional Detoxification
Posted on Saturday, January 12th, 2013 at 1:58 pm .I read the an article about health recently and was struck by this paragraph: We are in a constant exchange with our environment, which is governed by the laws of osmosis. If mercury is in the fish we eat, over time we have mercury in our system. We cannot keep our system pristine and clean, Read more...
We Are Big Beings
Posted on Friday, November 2nd, 2012 at 10:10 am .Last Thursday I went to my Dr’s again. I still haven’t kicked whatever is making me ill. While in the Dr’s office, a man was there getting vitamin C intravenously. He had cancer. I told him that I ‘wanted to kill’ whatever was making me sick – the bacteria or virus that were in my Read more...
Enough
Posted on Sunday, September 30th, 2012 at 7:32 pm .I was outside. It was night. Someone was behind me: his hands on the small of my back propelling me dangerously forward with enormous force. I was scared. I tried to decompress the uncomfortable arch in my back but the force was too great. I tried to steer myself towards a large overweigh man, Read more...
What is Compassion?
Posted on Tuesday, August 28th, 2012 at 2:15 pm .Sometimes we confuse compassion with rescuing someone else. Compassion is not rescuing. It is feeling the other person’s pain. Compassion does not mean that you agree with how they see reality. But it is understanding and caring about their reality. I’ve always been a compassionate person. I have always had empathy for those people, animals Read more...
Innovations in Couples Therapy
Posted on Tuesday, August 7th, 2012 at 1:35 pm .(reposted from WeConcile.com – original post August 17 2011) A while back I spent a week at a training workshop for therapists on Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. While I have been working with couples for years, there is always more to learn; I believe that this is the best couples methodology available today. Currently Read more...
Inside and Out
Posted on Monday, August 6th, 2012 at 1:01 pm .Some of the big shifts in my life occurred when I started to look at the difference between inside and out. Examining this difference allows you to discriminate between what you think you want (ego perspective) and what your life wants of you (spiritual perspective). Sometimes these are the same things – but not always. Read more...
Family
Posted on Thursday, July 5th, 2012 at 12:28 pm .This past Saturday Mike and I were married. Our wedding was beautiful and felt blessed. We were surrounded by love and support. We shared our inner feelings about each other in a visible ceremony of commitment. A wedding is such a powerful ritual because it symbolizes family, commitment, love, and connection. It symbolizes a new Read more...
Accepting Life’s Challenges
Posted on Sunday, May 6th, 2012 at 6:20 pm .I am in a chapter of my life where I am sifting, sorting and reorganizing who I am. Sometimes I see the more expansive parts of myself – the parts that can hold a goal over along period of time and work towards them without much coming back in return, or the parts that have Read more...
You Are Only As Sick As Your Secrets
Posted on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012 at 12:48 pm .I tend to reveal a lot about myself in my writing. Even though as a therapist, showing oneself is tricky, I made a conscious choice to do this because I knew that is how we remove stigma and heal shame. If I reveal an experience that someone else identifies with and has shame around, they Read more...
Choosing Gratitude
Posted on Friday, February 3rd, 2012 at 2:59 pm .I had a session with one of my favorite healers, Ellen Kaufman Dosick (www.soulmemorydiscovery.com) the other day – mainly because I wanted to ‘drop’ an aspect of myself that was dragging me down and step into a more empowered place. I was finding myself getting upset about some events and situations that were obviously not Read more...
2012 – Creating Our New World
Posted on Saturday, December 31st, 2011 at 4:58 pm .We are stepping forward into 2012. I know for me, right now I am acutely aware of all of my ‘flaws’ – all of the parts of me that I wish were more evolved, more capable of being completely unafraid, less neurotic, more generous and more able to experience gratitude and joy. It is as Read more...
Accountability and Character
Posted on Wednesday, November 30th, 2011 at 6:49 pm .I remember years ago how my father and the four of us children would go walking up the hill into the woods to look for a Christmas tree. It was a somewhat magical time – one of those special times when we had fun with our father. The trees would be beautiful, brown branches, dark Read more...
The Gift of Dialogue
Posted on Friday, October 28th, 2011 at 2:14 pm .One of the memories that has been indelibly etched within me is a fight I had with my father. I had come home from college and found our old family cat Sissy with a huge abscess on her stomach. She was clearly very sick and going down hill fast. I talked my mom into taking Read more...
Portrait of an Affair
Posted on Monday, September 19th, 2011 at 11:27 am .I have a good friend who I deeply admire. She is kind, thoughtful, considerate and sensitive. She cares about the world and is involved in her community. She is the kind of person any of us would want for a parent, a friend or a partner. She had one of the few long-term marriages that Read more...
Markers of Change
Posted on Sunday, July 31st, 2011 at 1:47 pm .At approximately 4 PM on July 28th, my cat Hank was put to sleep. Over the next two days, I was at a wedding with two ceremonies. The first was a ritualized Hindu wedding for the groom’s family and the second was the traditional American white wedding for the bride’s family. To go from death Read more...
Letting Go
Posted on Saturday, July 2nd, 2011 at 1:17 pm .The other night I was in pieces. Waves of intense grief and emotional pain were coursing through me. For the past week or so, my 14-year-old cat Hank has not been feeling well, and not eating much. Hank is a small grey tabby that I got from the pound when he was 6 weeks old. Read more...
Growing Yourself, Growing Your Relationship, Growing Your Life
Posted on Monday, May 9th, 2011 at 12:03 pm .A friend once told me that she was not creative. I remember the moment clearly, because I did a double take and started to try to convince her of her error in perception immediately. How could she believe that about herself? And recently, with a client, I had some ‘soul collage cards’ that I had Read more...
Announcing WeConcile™
Posted on Sunday, March 20th, 2011 at 12:10 pm .Architecting Your Own Intimacy – Repairing, Rebuilding & Creating Love I have been deep in writing a new web-based and interactive program to help couples (or any two people) connect more fully and resolve conflicts, bringing harmony and peace to their relationship. This is something that I have been working on for nearly two years Read more...
When to Hold and When to Fold
Posted on Saturday, January 15th, 2011 at 6:52 pm .Recently I have had both clients and friends asking the question: “How do you know when it is time to leave a relationship?” It’s a great question, but one that is hard to answer. It is one that I have struggled to answer at various points in my own life for both friends and myself. Read more...
Default Places
Posted on Sunday, December 5th, 2010 at 4:22 pm .I had a hard few days, which in this case for me means that I was in workaholic mode, feeling frustrated and somewhat overwhelmed and being unrealistic about what I could and could not get done. I was pushing myself around ‘doing’ and not accepting the ‘being’ aspect of life. Luckily, a friend stopped over Read more...
Emotions and Emotional Release
Posted on Friday, November 5th, 2010 at 7:18 pm .Emotions are intense. They rock us. We have to deal with them. Someone says something the wrong way, or we are in a difficult situation and all of a sudden we might find ourselves in a fury, or in deep grief, or perhaps an awful sense of embarrassment and shame as if we are ‘bad’. Read more...
Relationships: The New Challenge in Self Mastery
Posted on Tuesday, September 14th, 2010 at 3:36 pm .One of the things I enjoy doing is reading a book with new perspectives and then applying those ideas to my own field. I just finished reading Daniel Pink’s book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. It’s one of those books that allow us to see the world differently. Of the many ideas Read more...
Respond-Ability
Posted on Monday, August 16th, 2010 at 11:07 am .This past week, some very specific events brought up a lot of pain and grief for me. The first event was when I read an article about a 17month old boy who was beaten to death. The perpetrator stated “I didn’t hit him that hard.” Later in the week, I saw the Time magazine cover Read more...
I trust the universe. I trust your universe. Do you?
Posted on Monday, June 28th, 2010 at 10:07 pm .I was having a conversation the other day about one of my fears. My friend told me that he not only trusted the universe, but that he also trusted MY universe. I felt myself relax immediately. How often do we think about the big picture? How often do we trust that we are doing enough, Read more...
Sometimes Our Potential Lies in Our Wounds.
Posted on Sunday, June 20th, 2010 at 7:22 pm .This week I was reading some old writing I had done and ran across a piece I had written 14 years ago in 1996. This was shortly before I went back to school to become a therapist and it made me aware of the evolution of my thinking and growth as a human being. “I Read more...
Why I wrote “How to talk about what we need to talk about but can’t talk about.”
Posted on Sunday, May 9th, 2010 at 7:28 pm .I wrote this article because this is an area where I can get scared. When I am in the state of needing to talk about something, and the other person gets triggered, I can feel myself tense up. My own history of not feeling heard emerges. I had to learn how to not keep trying Read more...
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